Learning the Rules

It’s one thing to go to the driving range and learn how to hit a golf ball—the way you hold the club, where you put your feet, how to swing, and, if you're lucky, how to actually make contact with the ball.

It’s another thing entirely to get on a golf course.

I learned that the hard way.

I was intimidated the first time I went out on a real course. We were paired with another couple early one morning, and these people clearly knew what they were doing. They had been playing golf for more than a decade and were regulars at this particular course.

And then there was me.

What I didn't know was that there was a whole other part of golf I hadn't learned yet.

There are rules of play, of course, but there is also a whole language of golf etiquette: who tees off first, who goes next, when you should wait, where you should stand, when you can talk, what you do with your cart, and a dozen other little things that experienced golfers seem to know without ever having to think about them.

It’s like anything in life — whether it’s starting a new job, going to a different church, or even taking a class at a gym — there can be uncertainty when everyone else seems to know the unspoken rules.

Looking back, I probably should have learned a little more about what actually happens on a golf course before I showed up that morning.

Because there's nothing quite like trying to concentrate on hitting a little white ball while everyone is watching and you’re simultaneously wondering if you're breaking some golf rule you didn't even know existed.

I remember standing there at the first hole with my club, waiting for someone else to make the first move. I didn't know if I was supposed to volunteer, wait, or draw straws. I mean, someone has to go first. How is that determined?, I remember thinking. Fortunately, someone spoke up and it was just decided amongst ourselves.

I soon learned there was an order to things. Traditionally, the person with the best score on the previous hole has the “honor” of teeing off first. Once everyone is on the hole, the player farthest from the pin generally goes next.

But there's also something called “ready golf,” which basically means that if someone is ready to hit and it's safe to do so, they can go rather than waiting for the traditional order. Anything to keep four people—and four golf balls—moving.

I had no idea about the best place for me to stand while everyone else was hitting. I knew I was supposed to stay quiet and not stand directly behind the person. And then I thought, Is my shadow in the way?Am I still in their peripheral vision? Should I be over near the golf cart? I opted to stand a few steps behind and to the side, which seemed to be acceptable.

And then there was the tee. I can't tell you how many times I drove the ball, watched it disappear down the fairway, climbed back into the cart—and left the tee sitting there in the ground. Apparently, I needed to add "retrieve the tee" to my list of things I needed to learn.

I quickly realized that you also have to keep up with the group in front of you. That means thinking ahead about which club you might need, being ready when it's your turn, and not taking ten practice swings as though you're about to compete in the U.S. Open. And if your ball disappears into the woods, you have a limited amount of time to search for it before you need to accept that the ball has apparently chosen a new life.

And then when you finally get to the green, there’s a whole different set of concerns to learn. 

Apparently, you cannot walk in the path between someone's ball and the hole while they're putting. This is apparently one of those things golfers take very seriously. 

And let’s not forget about the flag. Does it stay in? Does someone take it out? Who takes it out? When?

As the day went on, I kept reminding myself that everyone is a beginner once. At some point, everyone has been the person who doesn't know where to stand, what to do next, or why everyone else seems to know something you don't.

The good news is that you don't have to know everything before you step onto a golf course. You just need to know enough to avoid being completely bewildered – and to pay attention to what the people around you are doing.

It's not really about knowing every rule or memorizing some long list of do's and don’ts. It's about being aware of the people you're playing with, respecting the course, keeping things moving and, most of all, not making someone else's round more difficult.

There will always be situations where everyone else seems to know the rules – whether it’s on the golf course or a new workplace.

You watch. You learn. You ask when you need to. And eventually, you figure it out.

And if you forget to pick up your tee once in a while?

Well, apparently, the golf police do not come running out of the clubhouse.